The last twelve days have brought all new challenges--for all of us. Max has had to adjust to sharing attention of "his" Mama and Papa with two other little people. The girls have had to adjust to having a big boy in the house and sharing attention and love from Mama and Papa with him. Doug and I have had to adjust to sharing time and attention to one more person--a big boy, who isn't into the same things the girls are.
Overall, the adjustment has been smooth. I worried before the arrival of what Max would think of his sisters. Many children/people with disabilities in his country are looked down upon. He has embraced his sisters and is very good with them. He is very helpful with them, kind and caring, and very patient with them.
There have been moments that I will admit I was frustrated and wondered how many days until he headed back east. And there are others, that I am dreading sending him back. Sending him back is not an option--he has to go. (Per the agreement with the US and EE hosting agreement).
I flip the coin back and forth so many times as I wonder what is in store for our family. One one side I see many benefits, and then when I flip it over, I see a different scenario. When it all boils down, I find the downfall is me--my insecurity, my selfishness.
I am having a hard time with the thought of another EE adoption. I cannot be away from the girls for 6 weeks, nor can I ask someone to give up 6 weeks of their lives to take care of our girls who need so much care. I would love to be able to take them with us, but that is an added expense that funds aren't there for. I am fairly sure if we go back to EE, it is going to be a 2 trip journey for us. He is bonded with us already and can understand that we are leaving but coming back for him.
And then there is the orphan status to deal with.....
In talking with someone in EE, it sounds as though his status is the same it was 3 years ago. His biological parent could come back to the orphanage any day and take him home again. Do I think she will? No. But I also think she wouldn't have three years ago if someone had not tipped her off about us coming. Can I deal with the heart ache of that again? Do I want to put him through all that again? His days at home were not the best. He has seen a lot of hurt in the last three years from the person who claimed to "love" him. But can I afford to do nothing for him, and regret it in three years when he "ages out" of the orphanage and ends up in the streets in a life of crime?
He is a part of this family. Yes, our family dynamics have changed, but we have always prayed that God would allow our paths to cross again someday. That day is now. He wants a home. A family. A family that loves him for who he is.
We plan to enjoy the next 10 days a family of five. We as a family need to pray for God will to be done. We have many hurdles to cross and mountains to climb to make this investment in our family--one that I think is well worth the price.