Mila's birthday

Mil'as birthday is quickly approaching.  She will be seven.  How did that happen?!?  Where does the time go?

I've spent quite a bit of time lately thinking about her--the idea I had in my head of what kind of kiddo she would when I had just a picture of her, the thoughts I had that first day we met her, the tragedies, the triumphs, the heartache, the frustrations, and the joys we've shared.  I've also thought a lot of what she would be like if she was still in her birth country.

When we committed to adopting Mila, we had a single picture of her.  A cute, red haired toddler.

 We knew she had Cerebral Palsy.  The pictures that followed were pictures of her sitting on a mat, holding herself up.  A picture of her standing in a stander.

I had a picture in my mind what she would be like.  We had adopted Hannah two years before.  She also had Cerebral Palsy.  I knew the drill (or so I thought).  Mila just hadn't had the exposure to crawling and walking.  She was just over three.  She needed time.

We traveled to Mila's birth country.  I remember vividly the day we met her.  We were told to sit in a small, storage sort of room, and waited for the orphanage staff to bring her in.  They brought her to us in a stroller.  An orphanage doctor, and orphanage caretaker, Mila's caseworker, and a translator all stood behind Mila's stroller; observing us meeting our new daughter for the first time...making sure the bond was strong and the match of a family was positive.  I remember interacting with Mila, with everyone watching.  Mila looked straight through me.  My heart sank.
Suddenly all these thoughts, ideas, and images I had in my head had vanished.  Just days before we left a friend was swinging with Hannah and commented "Just think, in a few weeks, your sister will be home to ride with you!"  His voice played over and over in my head as my heart broke.  How did I admit to all the people who followed our blog; who loved us and were anxious for us to bring Mila home, that Mila wasn't the kiddo I thought I was bringing home.  The thought of admitting that Mila may never ride that swing with her sister broke my heart.

We took Mila on that first day to have her passport picture taken.  The orphanage caretaker and the translator went with us by car to a photo shop.  We had her picture taken, then waited in the park across the street while her picture was processed.  I sat in this quiet park, Mila on my lap, Doug next to me, looking at my newest daughter.  I had seen the look she gave me before.  Her look was empty and hollow.  It was like she wasn't even there.  I remember commenting to Doug that we would love her to the best of our ability, no matter what.  At that moment I felt like we were headed down a very different path than what we had with Hannah.

Mila ate from a bottle with a hole in the nipple the size of a pencil.  She had no idea how to chew.  She didn't know how to interact with the toys we brought for her to play with.  We spent a good bit of our time of our visits with her simply loving her, talking to her, cuddling her, tickling her.  She was our daughter, no matter what.

The first day we had her out of the orphanage I wondered if she would ever cry.  We put her down to take a nap and she looked very sad, but never cried.  Finally, there were tears, but very little noise.  My poor little girl had learned that tears did her no good.

It broke my heart to see my little girl, with such a large scar.  I wondered if the doctor had taken his time on the surgery, or quickly rush.  She was an orphan--a disabled orphan.  She was nothing to no one.  But she was now my little girl.

We we arrived home in July of 2009, Mila could not hold herself up.  She sat in a baby bumbo seat.  She sat IN her toy box surrounded and supported by her toys.  We had to learn how to be creative.  Car seats outside on the back deck, homemade straps in the power wheels so she could ride with her sister.

 Papa made her a table that she could sit under.  She also used it as a support when she tried to sit on the potty seat.  (Two years later we now have an adaptive potty seat she uses.)

 To think back to how far she has come in four years, I am truly amazed.  The little girl I thought would never talk, never offer any kind of love, never truly giggle.....

She LOVES her Grandpa.  He is her favorite toy.  They lay together and have the greatest adventures--going to the beach, going camping, mountain climbing, all without leaving the house!   Mila has a great imagination and comes up with the greatest scenarios.

 She wants to be where everyone else is.  She wants to be doing what everyone else it doing.  She gets very frustrated that her body limits her.  I believe in her mind, she really thinks she can do everything and then when reality sinks in that her body isn't like everyone else's, she becomes extremely frustrated.

 We've been through one tendon release surgery.  What a long six weeks of sleepless nights and uncomfortable days.  She an Papa became great friends as they slept downstairs together because she was so awkward to carry up the stairs.

 Mila loves to bowl.  Though she loves to be liek everyone else, she is happy to be part of the action in her own way.  She was the only one that used a ramp when bowling with friends, but every time she pushed the ball down the ramp, she would yell "MOM.....Iiiiiiii...DID it!!!!!

 She practiced from April to October in a loaner power chair.  She spent countless hours outside wheeling around the yard, pretending to run a restaurant.  She would come over, take our orders, go away and prepare our food, then return to give us the food.  I loved giving her a hard time, yelling "Yuck....there are pickles on my ice cream (or something silly like that) and she would giggle with glee and take my order back to fix it.  In October, 2012, she got her very own power chair.  She is so proud of her chair.  She LOVES the independence it gives her

 My little girl is fiesty, ornery, determined, strong willed, stubborn, loud, obnoxious, loving, helpful, and absolutely perfect.  Yes, no doubt there are days she challenges us to our limits, but I absolutely adore her.  I imagine if I lived a day in her body, there is no doubt I would be all of those things too.  I understand her fight and her discouragement.  We always try to combat that with compliments and reassurance.

I am one lucky Mama to have been given such a sweet gift.  I could have never imagined that such a small, empty package would turn into such a great treasure.  I can't wait for the coming years--an assistance dog, sports, potty training.  I'll take each day--the good and the challenging.  God didn't ask for me to have great abilities to parent this little girl, he asked me to be available--to be willing.  And willing we are.


Mila Rose, we love you.....Stinky Pants....to the moon and back.  Happy 7th birthday.  I hope you get your entire wish list!  (A toy computer, a black car, a tiny ball, a birfday card....Oooooohhhhh.....and balloons!)

Trenches

It's been a while since I have blogged.  We've been in the trenches, parenting and dealing out tough love.
I know from my side as a parent, there have been challenging moments; parenting a child who has had a rough childhood.  A childhood where he learned to trust no one, fend for himself, and shut out any emotional hurt that others have caused him.  His defense is to go into shutdown mode when things get tough.
And then I look at where he has been for the majority of his life and take a step back.  It must be hard at 15 to change EVERYTHING you once knew and learn to rely on others, learn a new language, new social cues and skills, and a school curriculum that is totally different.  There is no way that I would want to be in his shoes.  And I'm thankful he trusted us enough to take the chance at a family.
He holds his own in casual conversations, but we have found he is very good at acknowledging us during conversation and nodding, but when we begin to ask questions, we find out that he is still struggling with the language.  He's to proud (or maybe a tad ashamed) to admit he doesn't understand and ask questions for fear of looking silly (or stupid in school) and so he is not asking.  He's covering up his lack with a "funny guy" persona.
He's a great kid.  He is very helpful at home when asked, his sister adores him, and he is very patient and sweet with his sisters and little brother.  He's making progress.  He's learning to trust.  He's learning it's okay to admit he doesn't understand.

I'll freely admit, it's not just him who is struggling.  I didn't have time to work up to having a teen.  It wasn't suppose to be this way.  He was suppose to come home in 2007 at the age of 10.  I was suppose to have six extra years to raise him, teach him good values.  I feel the pressure of being judged by others in his actions.  There are moments I want to exclaim "It wasn't suppose to be this way.  Please don't judge me as a parent.  He's just been home for six months.  He's a work in progress.  Give him time, I promise you'll see he's worth it.  I KNOW he's worth it."

And then I realize that has to be the way God looks at me.  I make mistakes--daily/hourly.  I'm a work in progress.  Do you ever think God looks at me and says "This wasn't the way  planned it....I'm working with her, trying to raise her right to teach her to follow my word."  I'm sure he does.  I'm human, I'm flawed, just like every other human.  I'm thankful God hasn't given up on me, he's there to cheer me on every day, encourage me to do my best and follow his Word.

He needs time.  We need time.  I'm thankful for the tough days as well as the good days.  I look back at all of my children and where they were when we brought them home and how far they each have come individually. There have been leaps and bounds of change.  For that, I am thankful.

Mila

In the beginning of November the girls were accepted into the Preemie Growth Project.  The Project is looking to find if children born prematurely would make improvements when taking plant diverted colloidal minerals each day.  Since the beginning we have seen small improvements in muscle tone and strength with both the girls.  Some families are seeing miraculous improvements.  We'll gladly take any improvements that we can get! 

Today, while cuddling int he chair with Mila, she said she wanted to go ask Papa to get her a snack.  Doug was in the computer room about 15 feet away.  I told her to go, and ask Papa.

Now if you know our Mila at all, she in not independently mobile.  She can roll from one side to another and occasionally will use her arms to drag herself maybe 2 feet before rolling to her back and giving up.  Her drag/crawl looks much like a worm.  She can get her bottom up in the air and gets her legs semi under her body, but then falls to the side and uses her arms to move.  She gets overly frustrated that she can't move like everyone else.  This is why in October she got her own power chair.    But when at home, she likes to be on the floor and play, watch TV, and occasionally move small amounts on her own.

So, she wanted a snack.  Don't ask me why, but she thought she needed to ask Doug for it. (I was sitting in the chair with her watching TV when she decided she needed a snack).  And typically, when I tell her to go, and try to move, she quickly gives up.  SO, I put her on the floor (pointed in the right direction), and told her to go ask Papa.  Though it wasn't conventional, and it wasn't fast,  Mila "crawled" 15 feet to her Papa to ask him if she could have a snack of pudding!!!  During this 15 feet, she rolled to her back once, but with verbal encouragement, she rolled back to her belly and managed to get her her right hand from underneath her body (which is super challenging for her as it is her weaker side) and crawled the rest of the way!!!!!

Here is the video.  I only took footage of the last part of the distance she traveled. 

MILA- I told you!  You can do it!  You are destined for great things!!! :)

October Baby

Eight years ago, on October 12 in a Ukrainian town, a mother went to a clinic end her pregnancy.  She had been through this routine before.  She knew the drill.  What she didn't know was that God had given her 27 week fetus a strong will to survive.  After trying to end an unwanted pregnancy, and her now living, breathing infant daughter was breathing, she fled the maternity ward.

The infant struggled through the first 10 months of life.  Because of her traumatic birth and lack of oxygen at birth, the infant had Cerebral Palsy.  Weighing under 2 kilos at birth, the infant battled many upper respiratory infections and fought through every one.  After spending ten months in the hospital, the staff deemed it was time to send the infant to the baby house.

At the baby house, the infant spent much of her time in a bed in a room with children deemed as invalid.  She was given enough nourishment to survive.  Once she proved herself to be strong willed and ready, the staff at the baby house placed her in a room with typical children and one other child with special needs.  Here she was the lone three year old in a room with children much younger than her.  Though the children were much younger than her, they showed no mercy.  The little girl learned to fight for what she wanted.  Though she didn't speak much, she understood much of what the caretakers said.

Two months after her third birthday, a nanny was told to dress her nicely and bring her to the director's office.  A foreign couple was here to meet her and were potentially her new parents.  The nanny talked to the little girl all the way down the long hallway from her groupa room to the director's office.  The nanny repeated the words "Mama" and "Papa" to her as she carried her and her little walker.

Right before entering the director's office, she put the little girl down and put her in front of her walker.  She then opened the director's door and motioned for the little girls to enter.  The little girl hesitated, so the nanny scooped her up and carried her in.  The little girl looked at the big man sitting in the chair, and in a very small voice said "Papa?"  And at that very moment, that man and his wife knew that this little girl who defeated all odds was their daughter.

When we brought Hannah home, we questioned if she would ever have intelligible speech.  We questioned if she would ever walk independently.  What we have learned from the very beginning is that our daughter never takes 'no' for an answer.  She wants to be like everyone else, even if it takes her twice as long and double the effort and strength.  She talks--oh my, does she talk.  Some days I wonder if I over did the prayer for her to talk!  She is one that speaks her mind, and will tell you what she thinks, whether you wanted to know or not!  She is small and mighty.  She is independently walking, and can stand still (which is a big accomplishment due to her legs) in a line with her classmates.  She runs.  It is different than any run that we have ever seen.  It is Hannah--small, mighty, and resilient.

Hannah is a great lover, a super cuddler,  and Mama's shadow- always wanting to help in any way she can.  She is a loving big sister, and adores her big brother.  She is an animal lover.  She tries her best and fights the good fight.  She tries hard to be like everyone else.  There are days she asks why her legs aren't like everyone else's or why she needs to sit in a special seat at school, wear braces on her legs, or why she has to go to PT and OT.  But most days, she is happy being Hannah.

She is our miracle.  Our fighter.  Our October Baby.  We love her more and more as each day passes.  She has accomplished so much in the last 5 years.  We can't wait to see her flourish and mature into a beautiful young lady, perfect and uniquely made in every way.

It's been a long time

It's been a long time since I have blogged.  To say the least, life has been a tad CRAZY.

Max arrived home on a Thursday, and school started for the kids the following Wednesday. (Mama started on Monday).

Transition to family of 6 was in full effect.  Max needed clothes and shoes for school and all kinds of school supplies.  Max began 8th grade, Hannah; first, and Mila; kindergarten.  My kiddos are growing up.

Life as a family of 6 with a teenager has been interesting.  Max has adjusted well and has meshed well with his younger siblings.  He is a great help with the "littles".  He will help unload kiddos and bags after school, he carries Mila and Eli to the table, and helps in any way he can.  He is great with Hannah, and the two of them enjoy playing Wii games together.  Hannah thinks her big brother hung the moon.  (Thankfully he has been great with his new 'shadow').  Many days I find Max in the recliner with one sibling or another, all cuddled up watching TV together.
Life with a teenager with homework has been the interesting part of the transition, for us as parents.

Max is learning English, and though his everyday conversation language is good, the educational concepts and terms are lacking, as would be expected.  So many times, Max will come home with homework that he doesn't understand.  In order to explain the concept to him, terms need to be translated, then often we have to take two steps back and explain the previous content covered for him to be able to understand the current content.  It has been a learning process for all of us.  Thankfully he has a very willing education team with a couple of Intervention Specialists that are willing to help him.  He has a tutor 3 days a week and his work is being modified so that he is working on the same skills as his peers, but it is an amount that will expand his knowledge, but not overwhelm him at this point.

 As a family of six, there is more laundry to be done, bath and bed time takes longer, more homework, more dishes, but ultimately there is a lot more love.  I can't believe that is has been almost 2 months since we've grown to a family of six.  The chaos has become the norm.  Max will occasionally comment at dinner  about when it was just the three of us, there was lots less noise.  Then he just smiles, and is right back at helping Hannah, talking to Mila, or helping feed Eli.  I think we have all adjusted well to the new normal.  Guess it's time to add some more chaos into the mix! :)