It's quiet tonight. Hannah is in bed and so is Doug. I have prepared dinner for tomorrow evening (meatloaf) so all Doug has to do is put it in the oven tomorrow. As I sit here in front of the computer, there is much time to think, reflect, pray, and prepare.
Poor Hannah didn't understand why Mama gets 'a day', but there is never a 'Hannah day'. The poor thing has struggled sharing the attention. Presents, they must be for her. Cards, hers too. And so as I sat watching her enjoy a Dora episode last night I realized that 'Hannah day' is November 13, the day we became Hannah's parents. what a lucky girl she is to have two special celebrations in a year--her birthday and her adoption day.
Also yesterday, I got to watch my Mom, interacting with all of us; her children, as well as with our children; her grandchildren. My Mama has taught me so much. She taught me that family comes first, no matter what. She taught me to love unconditionally, by her example. She loves Hannah just as much as if I had birthed her myself. She taught me that love knows no boundaries. I love to watch her love on Amy in such an appropriate way. Amy is biologically 24, but developmentally, much behind that. She allows Amy to go out with friends and stay out until late and act like any typical 24 year old, but yet she still holds her hand, kisses her, and loves her like her little girl, since in many ways she is still "little".
Then I thought of what it must have been like for Hannah before we arrived. She was cared for by so many, but loved by no one. She wasn't wanted from the very start. It breaks my heart to know what her Mom is missing out on, and what I am honored and privileged to experience each and every day. I get hugs, kisses, to hear giggles, and her talk endlessly to anyone who will listen. As days passed for Hannah at the baby house, did she ever wonder when it would be her turn to "go"? We were told at the baby house that she was always very sad when someone was "taken" from her groupa.
Family is everything to me. I have the greatest husband in the world, a family that accepts the way we have chosen to build our family, and the most wonderful little girl anyone could ask for. Yes, no doubt Doug and I's life is about to get more hectic and stressful with two kiddos who are not mobile, (To which one of my sisters asked yesterday....Two kids who aren't mobile? Did you get hit in the head??) but I think about how Hannah has forever changed our life, and I can't wait to watch "M" grow and learn new things. If the girls are never independently mobile, oh well. I'll buy a bigger vehicle to transport their wheels. I'm a special education person. The passion started as a child, having Amy for a sibling. It was a calling to become a special education teacher and teach the kiddos who needed the most. I've always rooted for the underdog, so it just seems natural to pick "the last kid on the team" to allow him/her to show his/her true potential. God loves us despite our flaws, and sometimes I think we get so overwhelmed by "perfection" that we forget to stop and admire difference and the flaws. God made each of us perfect in His sight. And to Doug and I, Hannah and "M" are perfect.