We have been blessed with two special daughters and two sons from Eastern Europe. We welcome you to follow our journey as a family of five, waiting to travel and pick up #6, with the ins and outs of family, education, farm life, and love!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Still alive

I know, it's been a while. Amazing that once you come home, blogging time seems to be less. Maybe it's because I'm the mother of two now.

We have been averaging two doctor appointments a week. Thankfully we are getting through a lot of appointments before we head back to school. We have borrowed a double stroller, and although it is huge, it gets us where we need to go, so I now am the proud owner of a double stroller.

Mila is doing well. She eats anything we give her and is doing well at finger feeding herself! Tonight she had pizza. With the exception of a few bites, she chewed and swallowed well. We have found the answer to her anger and anxiety during meals is to put some sort of food on her tray so if the person who is feeding her isn't fast enough, she can satisfy herself with something she can pick up off the tray. Hannah continues to be a great helper and simply adores her sister.

This week has hit me hard. I remember this week shortly after bringing Hannah home. I think I have focused so much on Mila and how she is adjusting to her new family, environment, and providing for her every need, that I haven't taken time to process my role in all this. I'm sure many of you remember what it was like before you had children (or before you had 2, 3, etc) and how you got up and went places. When we brought Hannah home, I had to learn to adjust to taking a toddler places. Now I have to re-adjust to taking 2 toddlers. I think I have been struggling most because I now have 2 immobile toddlers. To go to the store/doctor/out I either take the double stroller (but then how do you push a cart?), or find a cart that will fit both girls. Putting Mila in a cart is a challenge. Her muscles are tense, so trying to get her into/out of a cart is a chore. Then, because of her trunk control issues, you pretty much have to hold her up while you push the cart. I like the carts (with 2 seats and straps) at Target, but how do I carry both girls into the store to get to the cart? So, for right now, if I go somewhere (other than medical appointments) Doug typically is with us.

I realize it is all in adjusting. I adore our girls and wouldn't trade them for anything. I just need some time to figure out how our environment can best accommodate the girls. It's been a little bit of a "funk" for me. Looking around me, seeing and hearing about friends with young children running errands, is kinda frustrating (because I let it bother me though I shouldn't) being different. In a way, I think God is preparing me. HE is showing me (though I thought I already knew) what it is like to be different-- to look at life continuing to move around me while I figure out what my role is and how to make it the best life possible. I think someday, I'll be sitting down with one; or both of my girls and tell them that it is okay to be different--it is okay to not be involved and doing what everyone else is doing. God made each one of us special. It's better to look at what we can do, rather than what we can't or what we are left out of.

So moral to my own story? I know I'm a good mom. I know God has given me two very special girls for a reason. Doug and I have been truly blessed with two wonderful girls. I don't have to be like everyone else. I don't have to be doing what everyone else is. It's okay to be different. Being different is good. Our life is very different than many of our friends, but that is okay. A plaque above my computer says it all:

I have learned that being with the ones you love.....is enough.

Hopefully soon this 'funk' will go away, and I'll be up to wearing the "Super Mom' cape again and giving it everything I have. My girls are worth it!


MamaPoRuski said...

Post adoption blues are normal. You are doing great! I think the desire to be the person you were before kids is what makes empty-nesters REJOICE :) LOL! God bless your continued journey as a new family!

Sonia said...

different is always good, if we were all the same our world would be so boring. Your girls are beautiful!