Last night

Tonight is the last night for both of our boys.
For Elijah, tonight is the last night he will ever sleep in a room crowded with rows of cribs.  Tonight is the last night he will be put in bed without a good-night kiss.  Tonight is the last he sleeps with other children.  Tonight is his last night as an orphan.  Tomorrow, Papa will arrive at his baby house, sign some papers, dress him in the clothes Mama sent for him and bundle him up to go outside.  Tomorrow is the last day Papa has to turn in his passport.  Tomorrow, Papa will take his son and walk through the orphanage gates. Tomorrow one small little boy will begin to see a whole new world.

Tonight has a very different feel for our older boy.  Though tonight seems like a "last night", his time is only temporary, and soon, he too will have his "last night".  Tonight is the last night that Max will be sleeping at home.  Tonight, he sleeps on a fold out bed in Doug's apartment.  He is in his own clothes.  He has taken a hot shower as often as he likes, for as long as he likes.  Tonight Max got to choose what he had for dinner, rather than being served what is on the menu.  Tonight is the last night that Papa will say "Good night, I love you".  Tomorrow, Max returns to the orphanage.  He becomes one of many that a "Mama" has to watch over.  Tomorrow he will be back to sharing a bedroom with 5 other boys and have 1 small shelf to himself.  Tomorrow, he will be back to sharing all his belongings.  My prayer is that max realizes that the orphanage is just his temporary home.  We will all be counting the days until Doug can return to bring him home.

As I sit here tonight in a quiet house, with my two girls tucked into bed, I struggle with what tomorrow brings.  Tomorrow is such an emotional day for both boys.  Our little boy has no idea what tomorrow brings, what opportunities and love awaits him.  Our big boy fully understands what lies in front of him.  Max understnds what he will be missing out on for the next six months.
I'm sitting in the bedroom that will be Max's.  There is no bed in his room.  Four years ago, we were so excited about bringing home a son, that we went out and purchased bunk beds.  When we came home from Ukraine in 2007, we had a 3 year old little one that needed a crib.  I remember crying as we took down the beds.  All our hopes and dreams for our boy were lost.  And now, here I sit in an empty room.  We were hesitant to fill his room--to get our hopes up again.  And tonight, I realize once again, that we will soon have or son home, in his room...forever.  No more short trips.  No more "I'ma no Ukraine".  Very soon, he will be home, forever.

Tomorrow will be a horribly emotional day for Doug.  He needs our prayers as he begins a new life with Elijah, and says good bye to Max once again.  Though he knows his goodbye is only temporary, it will hurt all the same. 

As Doug has struggled through these last 10 days with ever changing decisions, last minute changes, and trying times,  we have continued to pray, placing our trust in God.  He has the ultimate plan, though it may at times seem like one crisis after another.  In Joel 2:13 it says "Rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.  Joel chapter 2 reminds us that with every life crisis comes an opportunity to re-focus our life.  Every "mini crisis" in this adoption is just a small, and perfectly planned bump in God's path for us.

I have enjoyed reading Doug's blogs while he has been in Ukraine, reading the scripture that is on his heart that day.  He has such a love and passion for the Lord and for his family.  His greatest desire is to set the orphans in families as God commanded, and he is doing just that.