We have been blessed with two special daughters and two sons from Eastern Europe. We welcome you to follow our journey as a family of five, waiting to travel and pick up #6, with the ins and outs of family, education, farm life, and love!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Waiting and Selfishness

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Waiting is the hardest part of adoption.  Waiting when things are out of your hands.  And I tend to be the one who during these "waiting" periods goes through moments of selfishness.  The moments that I ask myself "What are we doing?  Can we really do it?  Am I ready to be the mother of a teenager? I'm feeling pretty comfortable with life with two children, why do I want to add more?"  I have found during these moments the best thing I can do is turn to prayer.  Give my worries and insecurities over to God.  And through HIM, I have found those answers that I already knew in my heart, being affirmed by HIM.  "Yes, you can do this, with MY help.  I have the ultimate plan.  I have specifically designed your hear for this very mission!"  I know that every time I look at the Reece's Rainbow site, my heart skips a beat.  I can't stop thinking about where our two girls would be today without a loving home and a chance--a chance to succeed. 

Also, during this period of waiting we got word from a foreign land that our "son" hasn't been making good choices.  His behavior has improved slightly since coming to Ohio to visit, but his behavior hasn't gone away.  I'm not surprised.  There is a lot of hurt in that boy's heart.  A lot of resentment for what others have put him through.  He does so well to hide his pain for the most part.  But then, when someone says the slightest thing to him, I can only imagine he mouths off or shoves/hits/punches the person who just happened to be there--the person who was the last straw.  Doug and I know that our young man will need counseling.  He needs love too.  I know it won't be an easy road, but it is one that we are willing to travel because HE told us to.  Makes waiting that much harder.  I want to jump on a plane, get to M, give him a big hug, then give him some tough love that only a parent can give.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  So we wait.  And wait some more.  And while we wait, we pray.  And pray some more.  Oh, and don't forget singing.  The girls love to sing while Doug plays his guitar.  Hannah's song is a great reminder to me-- "Love will hold us together...and the whole world will know that we're not alone".  That's right, I'm not in this alone.  HE's got my back!

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